Answering the Call of the Ancestors: A recovery guide in times of reckoning and revolution is a book based on my lived experience as a queer, trans, non-binary, neurospicy, two spirit, Afro-Taino human recovering from intergenerational substance use struggles, codependency, people pleasing, and perfectionism. This book is meant to support those who want to shed the ways the histories of colonization, imperialism and systems of oppression inform how we relate to ourselves, to each other, the divine, and to our planet. In validating and contextualizing how my life and our lives are informed by the history of colonization and systemic oppression, this book points us towards ways we can recover ourselves from the impact of these histories and systems. 

A mix of memoir, history, and supportive practices, Answering the Call of the Ancestors provides a roadmap for how we can dismantle systems individually and collectively. This book begins with some history and context for how we got to the present conditions, moves into practices intergenerational impacts of colonization and racial capitalism, and ends in unpacking the challenges and the hopes of living in these times answering the call of our ancestors for healing and liberation.

I hope this book can be a companion for all of us who are working to free ourselves and the collective from the history and systems that have harmed us and our ancestors. We have it within us to answer the call of our ancestors to dismantle these systems and dream into being freedom beyond what they imagined for us.

ID: A curly haired cutie in rainbow glasses smiling at the camera with a backdrop of bare wintering trees

About Me

This book is informed by lived experience over 5 years both recovering myself and being a resource to others in their recovery journeys. 

I grew up in pursuit of the American Dream, trying to be perfect at the expense of my queer, trans, non binary, Black, Indigenous two spirit, small fat, neurospicy baddie self. All of that self-suppression cost me so much and left so much unwell that I turned to substances to cope with it. 

I’ve spent the past 5 years in recovery rebuilding my relationship to myself everyday that I left behind in the pursuit of the American Dream, at the pursuit of perfection, at the pursuit of survival I was told I could have if I was perfect under the systems. With what I’ve learned in my own process, I’ve supported hundreds of people directly with this work through individual work, and group programs for unsettling and decolonizing recovery, as well as thousands online through public intellectual work. 

You can find more on me and my work on Instagram, Tiktok, or my website.

ID: A queer, non-binary, Black, Indigenous cutie with rainbow glasses wearing a white top and dark curly hair with their eyes closed in profile.

How did this book come to be?

I have hit so many walls of loneliness, overwhelm, and fear, and hopelessness about my potential to live and existing under the current systems.  

This book comes from the journey of trusting that I can be free of their impact, and learning what I need to be free.

I felt so lonely trying to find resource to answer the call of my ancestors to heal my lineage and heal in myself from the impact of surviving colonization, racial capitalism, patriarchy, ableism, and fatphobia manifested in my being so unwell. I had gotten into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) where I set foundations for the sobriety and recovery I have today, but I had to largely look outside to really heal and eventually leave AA since my experience towards the end was more harmful than helpful. 

There were so many moments I felt hopeless and alone being in AA because people felt like systemic oppression, like racism and ableism, were “outside issues” that don’t apply to recovery and shouldn’t be discussed, and most people I spoke with didn’t contend with what can feel crushing to me – choosing to be sober in a world that is anti-Black, anti-Indigenous, and racist, where the pressure of racial capitalism is ever-present, where patriarchy tries to control so many facets of our life, and where ableism threatens isolation and neglect if we cannot meet racial capitalism’s standards of productivity and desirability.  That’s a lot to choose to be present to!  

Through so much collective support, I’ve been able to walk a path that feels like it’s healing centuries of intergenerational harm, as well as the harm I’ve experienced in my life navigating these systems, and that feels like it’s leading me to live in liberation. 

My hope in writing and publishing this book is that we don’t have to feel as lonely as I did trying to navigate my recovery, and that this book can help you identify paths of liberation that feel right for you, your lineage, and your people. My hope is that this book will help anyone reading this book feel like they will be able to live and be free, especially queer, trans, Black, Indigenous, and people of color, and disabled folks.  

This is an all-or-nothing campaign, where I’ll only receive the funds if we meet 100% of the fundraising goal, so I really need your help to make this book possible!

ID: two Black queer cuties with the sun beaming in their face

Who is this book for?

This book is for:

• If you’re a queer, trans, Black, Indigenous, and person of color navigating a recovery, sobriety or sober curiosity, and/or harm reduction path
• If you feel overwhelmed and/or hopeless sometimes with the weight of these systems and colonization on our lives 
• If you have a sense that your call to healing is rooted in the systems and histories we and our ancestors have lived
• If you have had challenges with the substance use of others in your lives, communities, and/or lineages and want more context in how this is informed by the systems and history of colonization
• If you want to learn how struggles with substance use recovery can be rooted in decolonization and healing from the impact of the systems of oppression on our lives
• If you’re a white person who wants to uncover how whiteness and settler colonialism inform you and/or your lineage’s struggles with substances/drinking. 
• If you are on your own journey or wanting to start a journey towards liberation from systems and intergenerational healing in your recovery 
• If you’re neurospicy and/or want more context or affirmation on how ableism can inform struggles with substance use 
• If you are queer/trans/gender non-conforming/curious about your queerness and/or gender and want to hear about how liberating it can be on a sobriety/recovery journey, and the ways your exploration, expression, and existence honors the ancestors and dismantles colonization and systems of oppression
• If you want more perspective on how struggles with substance use is informed by colonization and systemic oppression

If any of this resonates, I would so appreciate your support in manifesting this book through your contribution and/or sharing with folks you think would be interested!

ID: an image of brown hands typing on a silver laptop, with a white mug and turquoise phone in the background

More About the Book

The book is broken down into three main parts, with each chapter going into further detail. The content and structure of the book is subject to change in the writing and editing process. 

Part 1: What is the call:

We will ground into what the call of the ancestors looks like by:

• Exploring the histories and impact that racial capitalism, colonization, imperialism, patriarchy, ableism, and fatphobia have had in shaping the societies we live in, the way we relate to each other, our planet, and ourselves
• Uncovering how substances have long been used as weapons against revolution and rebellion, especially against Black folks, Indigenous folks, people of color, and working class and immigrant white folks to prevent class solidarity and keep the systems intact
• Identifying how certain substances uphold the functioning of this society, and how many of them are only made possible because of colonization and imperialism

Part 2: Recovering:

We will identify what recovering and answering the call of the ancestors can look like by: 

• Identifying what we need to make a beginning to recover and answer the call of the ancestors individually, in our own lives
• Focusing on recovering our intuition and self-trust as foundational guides towards what needs healing, at what pace, and what does liberation look like
• Recovering our relationships with our bodies, reclaiming them back from the impact of racial capitalism, patriarchy, ableism, fatphobia, and the centuries of oppression telling us how to have bodies. We will learn how to turn to our bodies as a guide on what we desire and what we need, which can lead to our liberation
• Recovering our relationship with our ancestors, making beginnings in turning towards their wisdoms on how to be on this planet, and their wishes for how we and future generations can be in ways they couldn’t, or in ways rooted in wisdoms they held before settler colonialism. We will root into how our ancestors can be a resource of strength in our healing and liberation journeys. 
• Recovering our relationship with the Earth, rooted in dismantling settler mentality that prioritizes fallacy of ownership of the Earth, separation from nature, and extraction of resource for racial capitalism. We will explore what it means to reindigenize and centering interdependence, We will also honor the grief and rage of witnessing the ways settler colonialism and racial capitalism are currently harming the planet.
• Recovering our relationship with collective: identifying the ways systemic oppression has impacted our relationships with being in collective and identify ways to return and recover. 

Part 3: Honoring the challenging call for liberation.

From identifying ways we can recover and answer the call of the ancestors, we will explore what makes this so challenging and how we can hold hope, including:

• How do we live day to day in what can feel like such an overwhelming and painful place that doesn’t give us what we need to thrive?
• How do we tend to the loss that can come from pursuing liberation? We can lose people, places, and things in the process of healing and getting free, and this part will honor the grief and offer suggestions
• How do we heal and give ourself time to be well with all of the pressure of racial capitalism and the challenges of other forms of systemic oppression?
• How do I be part of and find community and collective?
• How can liberation be possible collectively?

ID: a cutie with dark curly hair and rainbow glasses holding a tree in a black jacket with red clouds on a background of bare, wintering trees and leaves on the ground

What is this campaign supporting?

My anti-capitalist practice roots in not exploiting myself or others (shoutout to Toi Marie Smith, Jen Lemen, and Erin Brown for teaching me this application in business). To do that, I am asking for this funding so I can pay myself and pay other queer, trans, and BIPOC and disabled folks I will work with in the process to be resourced and make this book. This campaign will help fund the writing of and self-publishing of this work. Traditionally, crowdfunding campaigns like this fund projects that are near completion and asking for support for distribution. With this campaign, I’m inviting you to be in process with me as I write this book and help me to birth it into the world with your support.

We don’t have so many mainstream, easily accessible resources made by queer, trans, Black, Indigenous, and people of color and for us for folks navigating substance use struggles, especially that centers this perspective and liberation from systemic oppression. This campaign supports this kind of resource becoming widely available, and hopefully bringing in others after me too so we have even more resource and really nourish and even save lives.

These estimates are based on USA shipping rates, subject to change based on international shipping demand. 

• Living expenses to write the book without worry that finances would keep that from happening – $35,000
• Paying queer, trans, and BIPOC writing support – $6,000

Marketing expenses: 

• Paying QTIBIPOC artists for cover art and the marketing video and stills for this campaign   – $7,000

Misc:

• Shipping costs: $2,000 (mostly USA shipping)
• Indiegogo fees: $2,777
• Processing Fee: $2,777

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Where am I in the writing process? 

The book is fully outlined, and I have parts of about 5 chapters written (with my neurospiciness, I write whatever is of interest to me/I’m inspired by in the moment, so it’s not linear!).

ID: a cutie with dark curly hair and rainbow glasses holding a red, lit candle in a black jacket with red clouds on a background of bare, wintering trees and leaves on the ground

Why self-publishing?

I want to make sure this book is available for those who need it. I don’t want to wait to see if a publisher determines whether or not this book (or me as a whole) is profitable or marketable enough to publish, or to be censored since this book isn’t holding back on the impact of systemic oppression and colonization. If any publishers or literary agents committed to being honest about how these systems make us unwell, you’re welcome to contact me. I also need the resources to write it as someone who struggles with executive functioning and who doesn’t have partner(s) to depend on to help me meet my basic needs. It’s challenging to prioritize writing, especially about such deep, lived, and felt material when I can’t meet my basic needs.  This book is so needed; I want to prioritize it knowing I am supported by collective to do it.

ID: a brown hand holding a red candle lighting a wood log with a background of light and partly green bushes.

Rewards:

Please consider contributing the most you are able to give. If you are able to contribute at higher tiers or at a reparational redistribution rate (more info below), I invite you to contribute and make more options accessible for those at lower tiers or who can otherwise not afford to support this campaign.

ID: Purple galaxy background with white font and images of a pink circle with a mail emoji, hands typing on the laptop, and brown hands holding a heart.

$10 – Monthly Excerpts from the book!

With this tier, you will receive monthly emails from me as I write and edit the book with excerpts from the book. With this writing process, I invite you to share your your feedback with these writing excerpts and what you’d like to see as I’m in process. 

ID: Purple galaxy background with white font and images of the answering the call of the ancestors ebook on a phone, and of a book with clouds, and a yellow moon surrounded by clouds.

$25 – Ebook of Answering the Call of the Ancestors

With this tier, you will receive an ebook of Answering the Call of the Ancestors: a recovery guide in times of reckoning and revolution, as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

ID: Purple galaxy with white font, with a mockup of answering at the call of the ancestors, a person on a stack of books with a rainbow background, a red hibiscus, and a hummingbird

$50 – Signed paperback copy of Answering the Call of the Ancestors

With this tier, you will receive the first edition, signed paperback of Answering the Call of the Ancestors: a recovery guide in times of reckoning and revolution, as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

Purple galaxy background with a mockup of answering the call of the ancestors, a brown hand writing in a book, a pink journal, and blue hands holding up a moon

$75 – Signed paperback copy of Answering the Call of the Ancestors + Decolonizing Recovery Journal

Want a workbook to dive deeper into reflection from this book, or to incorporate into your recovery/sobriety practice? With this tier, you will receive a signed paperback of Answering the Call of the Ancestors: a recovery guide in times of reckoning and revolution and an ebook of the Decolonizing Recovery Journal, containing additional reflection questions based on the book and reflection space, as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

ID: Purple galaxy imagery, with a mockup of answering the call of the ancestors, a person in a blue hijab reading, and a person with black galaxy hair with purple and pink flowers reading

$100 – 3 copies of Answering the Call of the Ancestors

If you are looking to buy books to read with friends and fellows, to have books on hand to give away as part of your resource redistribution practice, or to buy a few copies for your bookstore, organization, or sober bar, this tier is for you! You will get three signed copies of the first edition of Answering the Call of the Ancestors: a recovery guide in times of reckoning and revolution, at a discounted rate as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

ID: Purple galaxy background with white font, a person looking at a computer screen, and books wrapped together.

$125 – Workshop Series

Want to dive deeper with me and other folks on the material covered in this book? With this tier, you have access to 4 live workshops with special guests (to be announced!) held throughout 2023 related to topics explored in the book. You will receive recordings of the workshop, as well as the rewards from the earlier tiers.

ID: Purple galaxy background with white font, with circular pictures on each corner of a cutie with brown hair. on the left, they’re wearing a shimmering green/blue blazer and on the right, rainbow glasses with a black jacket with red clouds.

$200 – 1:1 Coaching Session with Carolyn

Do you have any questions you’d like me to hold with you? Do you need a soundboard for navigating your path who will get the systems, the history, and their impact? Do you want to talk to someone who has navigated their own journey trying to heal ancestral trauma with substance use struggles, codependency, and people pleasing? I would love to meet with you! With this tier, you will get access to a 1:1 90 minute session with me to talk anything related to recovery, substance use struggles, codependency, people pleasing, and decolonizing, as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

ID: Purple galaxy imagery with several copies of the book on the left and right side of the image, with a person reading and rainbow coming from their book at the center

$500 – 10 copies of Answering the Call of the Ancestors

If you are looking to buy books to read with a group, to buy in bulk for your bookstore, organization, or sober bar, or just give as many copies away to folks as possible, this tier is for you! You will get 10 signed copies of the first edition of Answering the Call of the Ancestors: a recovery guide in times of reckoning and revolution, as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

Purple galaxy background with white font, with circular pictures on each corner of a cutie with brown hair. on the left, they’re wearing a shimmering green/blue blazer and on the right, rainbow glasses with a black jacket with red clouds.

$600 – Three 1:1 Coaching Sessions with Carolyn

Do you have any questions you’d like me to support you with? With this tier, you will get access to three 1:1 90 minute sessions with me to dive deep on anything anything covered in the book, as well as the rewards from earlier tiers.

ID: Purple galaxy imagery with white font, with a dark brown hand holding a lighter hand with rainbow nail polish.

$1,000 – Workshop Series: For folks in support roles

With this tier, you will have access to a 4-week workshop series on how to support folks who are struggling with substances as well as navigating the systems of oppression and colonization. This workshop series is targeted towards those who work in recovery, treatment, prevention, and harm reduction industry from struggles with substance use, who coach folks struggling with substance use, and/or those who sponsor folks in 12 step programs or other mutual aid support roles and want to center a decolonizing, liberation-centered lens. If you are not able to attend live, you will receive recordings of each week of the series, as well as rewards of earlier tiers.

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Reparational Redistribution

We need justice for the ways substances and lack of support for struggling with them have been weaponized since the beginning of colonization to create wealth and uphold systems of oppression. 

We need justice for the ways that mainstream support for these struggles has centered keeping the systems intact. 

The $3,000, $5,000, and $10,000 tiers are invitations to redistribute wealth and access to make this book widely available and accessible, to help break the cycles of harm that cause struggles with substance use. These tiers will not receive additional rewards beyond a copy of the book, the ebook, and the monthly excerpts: they meant to act as funds that can be redistributed to give access to the book and to rewards that those at lower tiers or those who  cannot afford to contribute to this campaign.

Contributing at this rate also practices community and collective care, securing that this much-needed book can come to fruition, and making it possible for me to redistribute access to the book and other rewards tiers to those who would not otherwise be able to afford to contribute at higher tiers. 

Stretch Goals

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Stretch goal: $60,000 – Safety Net!

Part of my recovery practice is making sure that I am well before I overextend myself and ignore what I need. If we reach this milestone, I can give myself more of a safety net to write the book in case circumstances become financially challenging this next year with economic changes and rising costs of living, or if the initial budget needs to change. Reaching this milestone helps make it even more likely the book can be produced on time by making sure I am deeply resourced.

ID: Purple background with white font, several copies of the book, and a green money tree

Stretch goal: $70,000 – Redistribution of book and tier access

If we reach this financing goal, I will be able to redistribute the book and some tier rewards to give access to those who would otherwise not be able to afford the book, including working on distributing this book to abolitionist mutual aid groups, and organizations,

Left photo credit: Diyanna Monet. ID: Purple galaxy background with white font, and images of a queer, non-binary, curly haired cutie in drag.

Stretch goal: $80,000 – Drag book tour!

We don’t have enough sober, queer, trans BIPOC centered social, fun, joyful spaces! 

If this project reaches this stretch goal, I will work with other drag performers across the so called USA and will plan a drag book tour across the country in dry bars and venues amenable to queer, trans, Black and Indigenous sober-centered joy.

As a drag performer, I know that Black, Indigenous, and POC, and disabled performers, especially those who are trans and/or assigned female at birth (AFAB) don’t get the pay that we need to sustain ourselves and this much needed form of art that literally brings our community together. This threatens our ability to keep doing drag since we struggle to meet our basic needs.

With this budget, I’ll be able to hire queer, trans, BIPOC, disabled performers across the country and pay them at a thriving rate, hire someone to help me plan and coordinate this tour, and pay for travel expenses to be able to cultivate joy across the country with this tour.

This tour will also apply COVID collective care safety measures centering the recommended precautions at the time of the tour suggested by immunocompromised, chronically ill, and disabled folks to keep us safe.

I really would LOVE to achieve this, as drag is one of the things that has been one of my greatest joys in recovery, and community that has nourished me. It’s going to be so much fun!!!

ID: Purple galaxy background with white font, rainbow headphones, a white image of headphones over a book, several copies of the book, a yellow sound wave, and a person listening to an ebook.

Stretch goal: $90,000- audiobook recording

If we reach this goal, I will be able to take time to record my narration of the book and hire someone to help me edit an audiobook recording of Answering the Call of the Ancestors.

ID: Purple galaxy background with white font, with images of a grey cat, multiple copies of the book, a blue and purple flower, a money tree, and a person with teal hair and a yellow shirt beaming with joy. 

Stretch goal: $100,000 – Abundance

If we reach this goal, I will be absolutely floored from how much community care this project has received and the ease knowing I can do this with all the support I need. I will be able to both further insure that I am resourced and that all of the budget needs are met, especially to fund these stretch goal projects, and to be able to further redistribute access to the book.

Video and Photo Credit:

@besteadwell

Be Steadwell is a queer, sober pop composer and storyteller from Washington DC.  Be composes Be’s songs on stage using looping, vocal layering and beat boxing.  Be’s original music features earnest lyricism, and ​affirming queer content.  Be’s goal as a musician is to make other black girls, queers, introverts and weirdos feel seen and loved.